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Feb. 13th, 2009

wolf angel

Early start to Valentine's...

Friday the 13th was a rough one for me. But I made it through.

I've always been a fan of the simplest things. Brighteyes managed to set up his computer at home so that he can access it fully from his laptop at work.

All of a sudden, I hear music... so I wander over, turn up the speakers, and get serenaded by Etta James' "At Last".

I'm so in love.

Happy Valentine's, everyone. <3

~Tahmi

Nov. 9th, 2008

heartstar, me, aurora

Rockband II, Everclear and Realizations

Yeah, it's been another one of THOSE weeks.

Where nothing seems to match up correctly at the time, but looking back, it all fell into place correctly.

Talesin and I started dating on Oct. 24, a week before his birthday. I helped pay for half of Rockband II for him, and paid for a night of drinks. We had a good time... even though it was only the second time in my life that I got so drunk I threw up. But I felt a lot better by the end of the night... knowing that I can break down like that in front of people and not feel like I'm going to get chewed up and abused for it. I wish that wasn't a been there/done that, but it is. It's finally okay for me to have my moments of weekness.

Talesin really likes Everclear. Everclear, or the concept of drinking it, used to scare the shit out of me. I used to be convinced that with my permanent light-weightedness that I was doomed to vomiting and death just with a single shot. But I've conquered that fear, and so many more. Yes, I am in an open relationship, yes, I am drinking Everclear and surviving and yes, I'm finally being fully honest with myself and with my housemates about what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling.

Even if it's feeling like all the girls can get away with being pouty to get their way and I can't. I know I'm the most masculine, but COME ON! So I actually have to break down and ask. It's kinda painful to admit that I need sometimes, but I can have that honesty for the first time in my life, and not feel ashamed by my needs. Being able to tell my partner what's on my mind with almost no negative consequences... none of the guilt that I got with Zenai, and none of the belittling and abuse that I had with Dragon. Afraid of the truth... how cliche. And how very true.

I turn 24 in a week, and have grown up more in the last several weeks than I have in a long time. Working a new job where I am my own department... mixing and matching ideas, financial responsibility... and seeing that while I can want and need, other will be wanting and needing of me and I have a choice of whether or not I placate or don't. I don't let Zenai cling to me like I used to... she asks for hugs, and sometimes I turn her down. I want to, so I do, and that's okay.

Enough of my rambling. I hope you all had a good weekend.

Oct. 19th, 2008

heartstar, me, aurora

A new approach...

I've been busy again. I moved out of the House of Hell (not to be confused with Hell House, the haunted one from those twisted old movies) and am now living between 2 apartments with Wolfwings, Talesin, IceFox, Atma, Kameo, Shanya Almafeta and Zenai.

Though Zenai and I aren't together anymore.

It was a really hard decision to make, and we're still close, but there is a lot of growing up that needs to happen and I didn't see it happening while we were together. I don't like being someone's mother and their partner at the same time.

So I went through the usual phase of self-loathing and what-not, just to get scrapped off the floor and cuddled by the newest of the members to the group.

talesin , sweetheart, I can't thank you enough for opening your heart and arms. Thank you so much for showing me the strength that  I nearly forgot I had.

So right now I'm working on getting moved in and trying to get in to Sales at GSI. I've been offered a place at Sprint, and just waiting for the background check to get done... Jesus, and here I thought I was free of Corporate America bullshit when I left Grantham. But I think I'll get treated better... at least, it would be difficult for them to treat me worse.

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Sep. 13th, 2008

heartstar, me, aurora

Internet Garage Sale!!

Hey all!

Tahmi Heartstar here. I cleaned my den very thouroghly this week and found some items lying around that I would like to get rid of. They are all in great shape and work great; I just don't want them anymore. 

If you want a picture of the offered item, just let me know.

Here's what's on the table...Collapse )

May. 13th, 2008

heartstar, me, aurora

Tahmi updates.

*sigh* I know, I know, you don't care anyway, but I've been up to a lot lately!

Spent some quality time with Halex last weekend. I forgot how much I fucking love the guy. We watched 3:10 to Yuma and drank. Good times!!

So I went to the dentist for the first time in YEARS and got a really good cleaning. Kirby, my dentist, tells me that she thinks I really ought to go to Kurt Kavanaugh,  an orthodontist. So I go to to my appointment today and he's VERY unhappy to see that I need so much work.

So... in two weeks I go to get started with braces. And I get my new glasses in a week. And Saturday I'm cutting all of my hair off and redying it.

Glasses. Braces. Short, red punk gurl hair style.

Fuck yeah, I'm going there. And I'm going to make it look GOOD because I've lost TWENTY MOTHERFUCKING POUNDS!

And I'm starting back up with my singing lessons... working on costumes for the anime convention I'm getting dragged to in August... I'm still going to Irish Fest, Oklacon and MFF... Tim's coming out to see me in a couple of weeks so that we can bury the hatchet... new loves, old flames, rebuilding the passion flames now that I've been demoted at Grantham...

Ups and downs... the rollar coaster of my life ain't slowing down, so keep your hands and arms inside the car at all times!!!!!

Mar. 27th, 2008

heartstar, me, aurora

Surgery Woes

So... my consultation for the dilatation surgery was supposed to be on Wednesday.

I was supposed to go in, they were going to do some tests, then schedule the appointment for the actual procedure later on down the road.

No. Such. Luck.

Dr. McCanse says, "Why don't we do it today?" and sticks his head out the door. Is the procedure room open? It is? Oh good deal! Come on young lady, this way please...

Next thing I know, I'm on the table, naked from the waist down and the doctor and his nurse are prepping.

She brings the instruments to the table... an 18 inch long steel rod, eh? That's not... oh Jesus, it is???

Then the dialation piece joys the party on the Mayo stand. Oh. My. Fucking. God.

So about 20 minutes later I climb off the table, scrip for Vicodin in hand, and stumble out the door.

Dinner at Arby's, and waves of an intense pain that I fail to be able to describe.

Zenai running up and down stairs getting cups of ice. Me, in a stupor, just trying to hold myself together.

Urologic surgery... not fun. Hope I don't have to do it again. If you pray, please do so. The pain has yet to completely go away.

Mar. 11th, 2008

heartstar, me, aurora

Change of scenery, change of scene.

Heyy. It's me, your favorite unbalanced bitch.

So... some things happened, some decisions had to be made, and I think I made the decision that will work the best for me in the long run.

I now live off of North Brighton. Less than 10 minutes from where I used to be. The rent is a lot cheaper, and the expectations are higher. It's going to be here that I am finally able to get the space and support that I need to make the mistakes that I need to make, and to make the choices that will ultimately lead me to where I need to be on the Road of Life.

No, really. I'm exhausted, but I'm happy and I'm surrounded by people who love and adore me and want nothing more than for me to get my head on straight and to get back on track.

*snuggles tight with Zenai* Yep... all for the best.

If you need the new contact information, just let me know. I'll be keeping a butt ton of minutes on my phone, so call that number to get in touch with me.
 
Other than that, I've got a long day of unpacking to do. Also, if you would like to give my sweetheart, Kandi, my kitty cat a loving home, please let me know. It tore me apart to have to leave her, but I can't have her where I'm at now. I miss her to pieces, and I really want her to find a new home to go to where she will be truly loved and cared for.

If you have any questions or anything, just leave a comment. Thanks for reading!!

Mar. 6th, 2008

heartstar, me, aurora

I love the artwork!!







What Kind of Furry Are You? (with lovely images)




Wolf Furry. ART COPYRIGHT TO: www.redpanda.com (Sara Palmer)
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Mar. 2nd, 2008

toony, cute

Not surprising...







What Kind of Music are You?




You are Rock!You are articulate, likeable and popular. You have a taste for living large and you don't often look behind you to see the damage you leave in your wake. You can influence lots of people very easily, you just need to determine which issues you feel are most important. Also, watch out, many people you call your friends might just be flakes along for the ride. Try to figure out who really cares about you and who you really care about in return.
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Mar. 1st, 2008

heartstar, me, aurora

Bubbly goober stuff.

Don't read the following sentence unless you like sappy, lesbian doting crap.

I AM SO IN LOVE WITH KRIS. HOLY SWEET JESUS SHE MAKES ME SO FUCKING HAPPY.

That's all. ^^
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